Create a Way to State...

late start

2011-02-08T23:04:00.001-05:00

i guess this is a late start to the new year.

life seems to be never what we set out to make it

except when we sit outside in solitude with our eyes closed

then

IT exactly approaches "right".

(((Remember when you were a kid and adults seem to have all the answers??? It's funny to find out that they were ALLL just wingin' it)))

i am trying to weave the connections in the unexpected surprises.
the creation between thought and real time defines "adulthood"
while keeping the flexible curiosity of childhood alive.

sooooo funny.

Oil, Smoke and Mirrors

2010-12-16T15:58:00.002-05:00

openings

2010-10-18T13:10:00.000-04:00

I have little free time these days. This is hard for me to deal with because the older I become the more it becomes undeniable that every moment really counts.

I am a work horse. In any interest I have ever had, I usually immerse myself to the point of excess. My current work situation is similar to my previous years of capoeira training, where I feel as my love for it is hurting my body. My hands, wrists and fingers...owwww. I know I should be using my forearms and elbows more, but I can't feel anything that way. My fingers have become eyeballs. Weird---and very awesome.

In an interesting way of looking at this, I feel certain that this is the work I have always wanted---because the circumstance has strangely led me to be in it to the point of excess.

In the parking garage after work last evening, I was getting ready to start the car. I was feeling the bliss of sitting and of not having to use my hands after 6 hours of nonstop bodywork. I was watching the orange glow of sun on the concrete, sliced into structure by the confines of the opening. Warmth and emotional impression are so hard to explain. I wish Jordan had been there with me so I could hold his hand and touch his face.

My hands have become more skilled at translating than my mouth has ever been.

Taking a closer look

2010-09-23T14:53:00.002-04:00

The spa where I work full time as a massage therapist is closing at the end of October.

Only in DC could luxuries thrive: people going on with their affluent lives, cushioned from the reality of crumbling American economy, within the deep government pockets filled with money.

Surprising as it was to hear of the owners shutting things down, being in the DC metro government money circle, it wasn't exactly shocking. The business people who have been blundering behind the scenes will feel the cushion slipping first.

I found another job at a more upscale place (cringe), and I work every single day now waiting for the end of October and a day off. I can't help feeling as if I'm jumping from one jagged rock to the next as the stream slowly rises. Dreams make my nights restless, a very uncommon thing for me.

I will miss this little leaf. The jagged tear releases a line of light...I stare it at periodically throughout my massages, a glowing point of focus. Captured by hot glue, someone crafty positioned it onto a lampshade in my massage room. I love my work: zen with every client. Leaf, music, muscles, skin-breath in, breathing out--- it all blends into One.

i would like to think that leaf will fall off the lampshade one day. The fiery line generating the heat to soften the glue and release it from its well-intentioned bondage.

(It isn't until you're older that you REALLY understand that good intentions aren't always enough)

I guess it's the well-intentioned capture that helps me focus the actions of my work: It unsettles me, and I free it in my mind every time.

(EDIT: mobile rough draft fleshed out)

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

past

2010-09-04T01:45:00.000-04:00

have you stopped running away from your past and

have YOU

started creating your Future ???

just wonderin"..'cause, you know... this is

RIGHT NOW

Trendy restaurants

2010-08-18T09:51:00.001-04:00

Cheeserific "hipness" in every corner. The skinny girl leaning into the two guys leaning away from her screeches her attentionwhore single statements ever minute or so...aaaack. Knives in my ears. This area of the US is interesting: full of "young twenties" year olds trying to continue their parents mode of success and not realizing that "the dream" has always been a lie. She continues leaning in; they continue leaning away. We came for the excellent food, but somehow, even though it was delicious, we couldn't help hurrying towards the door.

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Carl Sagan: A Universe Not Made For Us

2010-07-22T20:23:00.000-04:00

"Understanding our actual circumstance"

Why is that so hard for all of us???

pencil upon paper

2010-06-30T12:12:00.003-04:00

also,

I am on the hunt for THE journal.

mmmm..dreams of blank pages....pen soaking ink into fibers as the ideas flow out. Crossing out words...pencil drawings in the margins...

I have held this in my mind for the last two years...but became distracted by the transitions taking place in my life.

I was reminded of it when I read Ran's site "June 18... One more thing: a reader suggests that writing your thoughts on paper might be somehow more powerful than typing them into a computer. I've always felt like I'm a little smarter when I'm handwriting. I thought it was the computer screen making me stupid, but now I wonder if scribbling on paper might be channeling more of the intelligence of the body."

I am a little less than halfway through life. I want to leave the reality of my thoughts to my child (or children). the reality that exists in each moment, that is...

There is only one us in this time. Within each moment, the intelligence in our body expresses itself in a new way.

Can't keep passing that up!!

observations

2010-06-30T11:52:00.003-04:00

i observe...

sometimes i feel this overwhelming curiosity watching people who cannot stand to sit alone with their thoughts and body. They have to talk about something...anything!!!

"Why are you so quiet...what is wrong with you?!?"

"Ummm...nothing is wrong with Me, everything is sooo right. Why do you have to talk so much??"

Enjoy the Silence

then, now, forward

2010-05-13T23:24:00.003-04:00

It is hard to explain what I mean sometimes.

The human experience gets more interesting as I grow older and let go of the restrictions that were taught to me, convincing my skin to keep it going---merge it within the cells of regeneration---until I knew enough to slough it off.

There is something fundamental within us that seeks connection with real meaning.
Especially now, in our trivial world. New age enlightenment seems sexy when there are prepackaged meals and 24 hour entertainment all around us.

Our whole Self whispers in a desperate cry:

(((there HAS to be more than this...please let there be more...)))

There is, and it isn't vibrating in some other plane---and even if it was---do you really think it's possible to get there without dealing with all that we are RIGHT NOW???? It's like how I tell my daughter---"You have to work hard, baby, before you get the prize."

There is "magic" in direct connection---your human Self and your direct environment. Your human self and that human next to you. There is nothing "new age" about it. You just have to slough off that barrier that's been taught to you.

We get glimpses, life scrapes a little bit off at a time so we taste it now and then.

But it's up to you to mature a little to see it and live it.

Vibrations, energy, connection...yes, it is all there. We can experience the full flavor capable of Humanity.

But...why is it that we think we "deserve" more when we've barely scratched the surface of what it means to be human???

In case you missed it...

2010-05-12T09:51:00.001-04:00

salt and vinegar chips

2010-05-11T18:11:00.003-04:00

I just ate some of these chips. Mmmm....saltysweetbitterness....

Yeah, They aren't natural. I didn't grow the potato and fry it up and mine the salt and create some vinegar somehow. I bought the bag in the store.

It was easy, like everything has ALWAYS been since I have been alive.

Yep, most people won't give this type of living up willingly.

I need to teach my kiddo how to deal with things when they won't be so easy.

exhaling truths

2010-04-10T23:08:00.002-04:00

When we sit alone. That place we go to inside our minds to drip down from the chaos of the daily society we participate in and feel the reality of our own experience

within our mind.

Do you know it?? No, not just that time---I mean the experience of it. The unraveling. Do you bother to let all preoccupation go to feel it??? She said, He said, I THINK, What If, I Can't...etc... How about letting all that go and feeling

What Is. Now.

It is worth it.

Who are the bold ones who actually risk to live it??

Maybe here???

Be You.

"...we live in the real world, not the virtual world."

2010-03-29T17:00:00.003-04:00

Listen to this when you have some time---sooner rather than later...

re-evaluating money

2010-02-14T23:16:00.001-05:00

Food - the way we need to have it in our lives

2010-02-13T14:59:00.001-05:00

The wise appear throughout the times

2010-02-11T18:26:00.001-05:00

beauty in the chaos

2010-01-17T20:22:00.001-05:00

"there's no time...to analyse..."

2010-01-17T19:49:00.001-05:00

here

George Carlin

2010-01-15T08:11:00.002-05:00

Initiation into Integration

2010-01-10T12:22:00.003-05:00

This is extraordinary. Standing upright, my chin jutted outwards, yet arms uncrossed...I speak.

So difficult for me!!!---to say what I mean. It is so easy to confidently write such things. Describe them in direct ways----sweating, pulsing fully descriptive language, sooo vivid (yes,reach out!)you can feel yourself reaching out to catch the drop of moisture as it slides down the curve of meaning.

It is a personal problem I have. I look at it and wonder...confused to why it limits me. Speaking without fear only happens with people I know can hear me.

The truth is: As much as I am able to listen to others, I also need people whom can listen to Me

The true understanding of this is what holds me back. I have realized this and being able to work on it is extraordinary. Maaan...Seriously.

Most of my thinking is ill-fitting to American culture. Sarcasm and superficial fun wins the day here! How else could it be? Removed from connection---the source of human basic needs---grocery stores---faucets dripdropping life into the drain---I don't blame ourselves for being here like this.

I do blame ourselves for being chicken shit about seeing this.

Now---- I must remove the trembling from inside.

01.02.2010

2010-01-02T00:03:00.003-05:00

I like this date. It mirrors onto itself from the second decimal point.

I feel much better today. Sickness prepares me. I'm grateful for the occasional disruption of balance in my body -- oh, it reminds me of how quickly and suddenly things can change.

I've been realizing lately that my preparations for whatever I may encounter in my life time may be something that I will do by myself.

It is hard to justify reasons for doing things the "hard way" in a way that makes sense to anyone who is successfully thriving in present reality.

I was having a conversation with an older friend today, in his late 50's, about technology and how it thrives on a completely unsustainable foundation---and he just shrugged. -- Really, why shouldn't he shrug? He'll never see a different kind of reality in his life. It doesn't matter in the scheme of his life.

But it will matter in mine.

I'll enjoy the ease now, because unless you are single and unbound, it is almost impossible to Not...

but in my personal time, I observe. I try to learn all that my two hands can do. I'm peeling away distractions a bit at a time. If all I'm doing this for is to truly learn what it is to be a human being, so be it.

That is enough for me.

Time in Movement

2009-12-30T11:48:00.002-05:00

I reflect on myself during times like this.

I'm sick...I feel weak. I don't have health insurance (haha...the story of my life!) I can't move my body without feeling like I'm falling out of it. I'm from a healthy stock of genes: nourished on my mother's milk and homecooked unprocessed foods for the majority of my life. So, i trust in the fact that with enough meditation and focus, water and rest, I can convince my immune system to kick some ass. Anyway, I'm probably being overly dramatic--- i'll be ok. I'm always ok.

Time blends together when you are ill. I was thinking that perhaps this is the way that time actually is---maybe we can see it in it's true form when our body sucks energy away from our brain. If we fold each color onto itself, we can carry it in our hands. Come here, querida!! Dip your hands in and watch the fingertip smears you press into my skin!

I can't waste a single drop.
Time flows; I won't stand still.

I can't keep waking up to avoid what needs to be done. Even if it's hard. Even if it makes my voice shake with nervousness, sweat erupt on my brow and my face explode with red ((this is EXACTLY what happens when i am uncomfortable, by the way. It's a personal problem that I continue to work on))

On this human imposed switch of cycles, which is most likely more significant due to nature "agreeing" on our calculation with the rare 2nd full moon of the month---I must significantly mark a new beginning.

I left my old life to create a new one at 26 yrs old.
I immersed myself in the creativity and emotion that I had swallowed down for years.
I waddled around in mysticism, breathed meaning into EVERYTHING and realized that staying there would be death. It doesn't make sense unless i can share it with others. My ego lust for "getting it" and being "different" was what was holding me back from ever truly understanding.

I am Here. I am Now. I connect Here. Everything has meaning here, because I can share it Here. I won't enable you. If you reach out to me, I will give you my opinion. That's all it is, My opinion. It won't be fluffy and snuggly, because my significant mark for this new 2010 beginning is:

Not wasting time.

I love each connection I have made with each person I have known.
Sometimes we grow apart, sometimes we slide together.
I hold my hands up, palms out--- to you, ((see me seeing you))

The key is Not wasting in Movement.

one point

2009-12-17T18:17:00.004-05:00

Some people balance us out while others overwhelm or drain us. Truth, eh?

This notably occurs with our interactions with people in an intrusive (("good" or "bad")), internally profound way. Balance also happens with the things which we surround ourselves, the nourishment we ingest ((food, learning, otherwise)) and the movements our bodies create.

Life, as a human being, means paying attention to all of these things. Juggling, strengthening, intentionally finding meaning or intentionally letting meaning go----as needed. We all need different things, places and/or people at different phases of Life.

Guess what we're taught to pay attention to in Western Culture?

None of these things.

--------beauty for you-----------

watch how we crawl

2009-12-15T18:29:00.004-05:00

It is sososo strange to live near a major city. Where I grew up, solitude and silence were extremely easy to find: a quick walk into the woods or a short drive to the lakeshore and surrounding wetlands. Sometimes, while running here, I'll feel like I've finally found a little hidden pocket of silence!!!!! (((Shhh...silent smile of Joy!!! )))

But then I run a little farther and find------ a man-made pedestrian-friendly bridge to bypass that unabashedly beautiful, rebelliously rocky stream... ((really, it's breadth could be crossed with a short leap!!))

Making things easily accessible is not always a good thing.

There is tremendous value in the difficulty of approaching Beauty.

People in Yosemite: A TimeLapse Study from Steven M. Bumgardner on Vimeo.

In favor of monogamy

2009-11-17T16:38:00.004-05:00

During my drive to school today, I stopped the automatic scanning of radio stations and paused to the sound of laughter, which actually turned out to be people discussing Porn. The two guys and one girl who were running the morning show were taking calls from the public concerning the changes in sexual EXPECTATIONS that men now have of women. The argument was that greater availability of Pornography was affecting what Men expect of Women in bed. Oh, how disconnected we all are becoming...i mean, if Porn is the ultimate sexual experience for you, you clearly have no imagination or creativity.

This also reminded me of the argument of Open and/or Polyamorous Relationships as a better choice for intimacy rather than the "ownership" of Monogamy. There is an actual EXPECTATION that women will be willing to participate in these Open/Polyamorous Relationships...

If having only one mate equals ownership to you, it is only because you had the unfortunate vision to choose an unworthy partner AND/OR you have not spent enough time developing your Self.

Humans are living longer...so perhaps lifetime monogamy is impossible, but monogamous relationships are worth the FOCUS.

Polyamory is based on the theory of "Abundance" ---as in, there is an abundance of women out there, so why only be intimate with one?! Everlasting Abundance is a lie. Look at the Earth. Natural resources are dwindling because economic growth forever is unsustainable. The reality is that everything is a cycle---of give and lose.

Those parts within us of beauty and creativity cannot be fueled by rejecting our emotional vulnerability. Those who practice Polyamory see everything as a power play which ultimately keeps the man on a Pedestal and women placated with "awesome orgasms". Uhhhh...yeah...nice long term vision, oh polyamorous men. "Don't lose your masculinity or your ability to make your women beg." It is unfortunate that the men behind this movement have not realized that what these ideas will ultimately do is create more sub par women.

Life is about learning...it is about challenge and sharing. It is far more difficult (and wonderful!) to focus on one person. To learn from him and about yourself because of him. To challenge yourself apart so that you develop each moment together fully. To share who you are...evolving, learning, challenged...YOU.

Monogamy isn't about ownership for me. Perhaps historically in society, that argument can be made-- but my personal experience is that it is a requirement for what I need to always be improving, learning and developing who I am. For me, it is either Monogamy or Solitude. In my current relationship (and past ones), he is free. If he chooses another woman to focus on, he is free to do so, BUT OUR relationship would be over. I refuse to waste my focus on a person who can not equally focus on me.

I am 31 years old. I know who I am and what I want.

I don't need to seek validation from anyone else on this Earth. I don't need a man to make me feel beautiful, important and worthy. Seeking those things is just a downward slide towards endless misery. I spent a LONG time by myself figuring these things out. It took me a LONG time to decide to leave my solitude and attempt to share myself at the risk of getting sucked into what society tells us a drama filled relationship should be.

I realized that he and I could relate without definitions because we both understand these basic things. When we forget them, we know we need to go back to them.

Monogamy is comparable to training a martial art: You train certain movements (focus on your guy/girl)...you leave them alone for a while to develop other areas of your art (individual interests)...then you come back to those movements with more depth and understanding...Until you become skilled yet vulnerable. Or perhaps the appropriate word is Open. You become Open, yet possess the skill, timing and ability to defend this wonderfullyLayered Open Vulnerability. The training never ends...and it only becomes more interesting!!

How focused are you? Or has disconnection winked its shiny eye at you, too??

to Be of good use

2009-09-17T00:48:00.006-04:00

I have been reading various things today, as I tend to do nowadays. It really is a gift to have some extra time on my hands. It has been years since that has been possible.

A certain line of text jumped out at me from one of the websites I usually visit-- written by a woman I only know as "tagonist". She wrote in response to someone's question on how to simplify their life ...

" Please remember to find a way to be useful to the world. That's on all of us."

Yes.

We live in society with all it's distractions, our personal struggles and our attempts to find some kind of connection to something. We sense the solution in love or monetary success, but none of that matters if we haven't found our personal value --- our own unique way to be useful. That is our individual shiny string to add to the web of evolving existence.

Our usefulness will be the foundation from which we will grow and develop all we have to share as life becomes more challenging.

and no, I'm not being pessimistic about reality, I'm just choosing to be realistic about the data. Life will get harder; it is inevitable.

So yes, it truly is on all of us find a way to be useful to the world.

ThankYoutagonist.

...perhaps the answer to the ultimate question...

2009-08-31T11:45:00.003-04:00

Why are we here?

Music. To create and appreciate....share and exchange...

Music.

so many people

2009-08-25T21:56:00.003-04:00

i was stuck in traffic on my way to Flamenco class today. Thousands of people trying to go home towards Baltimore...from cubicle to automobile then to homeBoxedInhome.

Oh, the barriers we create...

Moments of waiting, born from within preoccupations contemplating what our life is "supposed to Be".

I don't know how to be part of it, nor would i dream a wild dream to be. But for now, I have to be ...part of it...here, right now. I want to be here...more than anything.

(((secretly digging for the rare wisps of beauty--yes Life, hide them well!!! make me run and dig, sweat and gasp.... stomp and blush to my heart's controlled booooombopbooom)))

Oh, I swooon on a daily basis inside
from the comfortably numb-ness i see
i know now, despite my efforts to believe

I'm here to Learn how to express more of Me.

when i reach the "disciplined" Now

2009-08-08T18:20:00.003-04:00

may this be my most common state...

the edge of the windowsill digs into my thigh...

2009-07-27T02:00:00.003-04:00

it was a tangible reminder of how i leaned into the wind to feel my soul sigh

back then, in the days of being consumed with the confusion of Ego and Existence.

It is True...as Time breathes into your lungs and you exhale in whispers and conversations--- the deeep caress of where you walk the Line...

the passions become clear, the words become full. the emotions smudge themselves into the pigment only hoped for in teardroplet yearning moans......yes...smoooth the edge of those stones.

ridges carved in rain, movement, wind, water slipdropundulate me into slop...bring it.

this is my Life. This is my Life. my baby girl...hold her close. I still remember how i pressed my nose against her baby flesh as she was placed in my arms after being extracted from my womb. parts of Me and parts of New....a scent embedded into the fibers of my Being...forever.

Share the Beauty i've found...of sharp outlines of trees carved against starlit night, of rain drenched summer puddle streaming heavy light. Of silly voice and happy song....no right and wrong...just the growth lasting steadily long.

here, in this World i know....

oh baby girl...watch the snow flakes flutter from my eyes as i yearn to share my views of our Night skies...

This windowsill digs into our thighs.

"amusing ourselves to death"

2009-07-22T10:33:00.001-04:00

jumping to the next branch

2009-07-13T15:53:00.003-04:00

31 years old and learning to Be. Trying not to think of what I am but just...Breathe. Yes, we change; yes, we Grow. But the threads of who we are begin in the hole of source.

we twist and bend. we tangle them up. we vibrate them back and forth and call it Maturity. hahaha...if i could exist in a society where i could let Me float on the wind...

then i could smile sputtering aching impossibilities from where i begin

still i try...with a wink or perhaps a little bit of affluent dust in my eye

and i'm doing alright.

Continuing to Try

2009-06-18T12:28:00.003-04:00

It is really hard to try to live in a practical manner when engulfed by an impractical society.

It is also hard to communicate logical and practical ideas to the people around you ((including myself)) when society has taught us illogical things.

So here are a few comments on what I have come to realize in the last few years:

The economy will collapse because it is based on the impossible notion of continuous growth based on a foundation of finite resources. When we can no longer increase our access to oil, Life as we now it in the present day will get much harder. This is SO logical, yet many people cannot understand it.

Which leads to the next thing -- Why can't we accept limits?? Because in order for this idea of continuous growth to work, people needed to be stripped from the complete beings that we are into "roles". Enter Power and Status. Wanna be successful? You need to manipulate the "abundance" all around you!!! The main truth that this idea ignores about any being of Life is that we are ALREADY successful. We have power---not over each other but along WITH each other. It's called sharing the complexity of existence in order to Evolve. Instead, we became a culture of three-year olds---where we spend most of our lives trying to validate ourselves. We lost the fundamental truths of who we are along the way.

Do I think this was a mistake? No, I think it was inevitable. I think this whole society is necessary in our evolution as a species. We cannot get stuck here. If we get stuck here, we die. Existence is perpetual motion. We must move on.

Let's focus on the things that make sense. We need to be informed to do this.

a wonderful presentation by Dmitry Orlov here

and the Obama Administration's environmental effort:

"...Human Induced Climate Change is a Reality..."

Both links found here

the inevitable answers to how we pose the questions

2009-06-01T16:43:00.002-04:00

I really cannot tell you why I began to have this insatiable curiosity and exhausting drive to learn and move as much as possible.

I used to be just a regular American gal, working the job, raising the kid, dealing with a boring relationship...and wishing for the money to slather upon everything to make it all better.

It began with moving my body, training Capoeira and gaining the control to manipulate my body in ways I couldn't imagine before. At one point, I needed more---or maybe not more, but the source of it--the beginning and authenticity of where the theory and language tied in with the movements and instincts. I needed to SEE where the tangible and intangible meet.

But just because I could see parts of it, didn't mean I could know it!!! It actually made the unknowable multiply and throb with enticingly glossy winks...oh curiosity, here you come! waves upon waves....

So...I don't know. I don't know a lot. I know some things, but if i look at them too long, they evolve and grow tantalizing winks to draw me in again.

I somehow came to the conclusion that for me, Life is about learning. I will learn as much as possible and share that with my loved ones however i can. Maybe that is what it's about for everyone...

So how do we learn? I ask questions. But what if I reject the way I've been taught to ask questions?? What if, while I've been asking my questions until now, I realized that the society I live in doesn't make sense and that yes, i can roll with the day to day life and laugh at the jokes. I can ignore the meaningfulness of life because I need to sit at a boring job to participate in "society". I can throw out some sarcasm and get a laugh here and there--- and forget that time is passing by. Hey, everyone else is doing it, right?! hahahaha

But you know what, that's not enough for me! It shouldn't be enough for anyone. Where will you be when your human body dies?? What will you know?? What will you have shared?? What beauty will you hold delicately in your heart??

So maybe i need to find a different way of asking questions. I think that as I learn, changes within me will occur naturally...and perhaps my personal language will emerge.

Until then, I'll just be blushinglyGoofy Me, gushing with serious questions and mushy poetry... sweating through the movements and exploring the source.

Why Not?

papercuts

2009-05-14T10:06:00.003-04:00

I used to work overnight at a print shop. My job was to keep the printers running non-stop all night long -------and if they did stop, find some way to repair them so that down time was minimal. Down time was factored into any 8 hour shift in a measurement of about two hours. This accounted for malfunctions and for loading paper, fuser oils and toner as needed. I figured out a way keep the time needed for replenishing paper to a minimum. It involved re-arranging pallets of paper and stripping them of their packaging. I did this in a symmetrical eye pleasing tower of evenly distributed paper reams so as to keep the paper from curling and warping which would later cause me hell by repeatedly jamming the printer.

I also was weirdly crafty about figuring out how the inner functions of those giant printers worked and I figured out ways to keep them sputtering on until my shift was over ((sorry day shift!)).

So as a result of all my efforts, My shift partner ((Vez)) and I consistently outperformed all the other shifts. We totally kicked ass.

That was the best job I've had yet!! Seriously. I've worked for in research positions in locally prestigious firms - so it's not like it was an upgrade from fast food or retail or something. The no-brainer aspect of it was the best; it allowed me a full eight hours to devote my brain throbs to things i wanted to focus on.

As the printers hummed away printing software manuals and design reports, i sat outside staring at the moon and stars. I discovered the connections in my emotions to my life. Poetry flowed freely... i practiced Capoeira in the warehouse as i moved pallets through huge open doors. I sang songs in Portuguese to hear them echo off the concrete. I read my text books on physics and chemistry and tried to figure out calculus on card board paper boxes ((unsuccessful)). I chatted and joked with my shift mate and we would escape to a local diner for snacks at 3 am and get back to the print shop, where our hardworking machines would continue their tireless pace.

It was a strange two years i spent there. The thing i found strange about it was not the wonderful freedom i created from being efficient and crafty, but the fact that it was OK to be unsupervised all night and do my job--but it was not OK to have the same freedoms if you implemented the same efficiency, during the day.

In this society, it is not OK to have the freedom to do desirable things while everyone is watching...that is what i learned from that experience. We should change that!!!!!!!!

So I'm low on the totem pole now at my current job. I observe scientists here as they enter the research library and i can't help feeling sorry for them. I know that they love their knowledge and the act of discovery and it's definitely fascinating, but....they are confined to working on projects which are "profitable". That word "profit" seems to strip much of the wonderfulness out of their position.

I never want to do what i love for money...

how horrible to lose the curiosity and wonder of Love!

opening a space

2009-04-27T22:52:00.002-04:00

It is a curious thing to watch things fall away from your life. Sometimes you don't even realize things have fallen away until you look at those clean spots where they used to lay and wonder where they have gone...oooh...little pretty dust trails to smear with my fingertips!!

Do we invite our moments with these people/places/things to end? Do we encourage growth to a peak until the only place it has to go is down and away? Sometimes we reluctantly hold on wishing some situation or thing could be something that it can never potentially Be. (((Wait!! Wait!! the space was supposed to be empty for the next thing to begin!!!)))

The most fascinating things I have discovered are the people/places/things that stay constant in our lives--and within those constants, a beautifullyCurious manner of clearing space and inviting new. Exploring the ways to rediscover someone again by clearing the overgrown brush with selectively cleansing fires. There are so many ways to do this! -- and special people and places which will entice you to take on the challenge!

There are times when it is time to say goodbye. It is time to let go and rub the empty space to a shine. Cherished empty spaces plead for valuable occupants.

I like to invite that energy in.

no box

2009-03-30T12:26:00.004-04:00

I was sitting with my daughter the other day and she looked at me and said: "Mom, do you ever think it's weird that we are here? Like, i'm a person and you're a person and you are outside of me, but we're alive!! Sometimes i think i'm dreaming..." and i smiled to myself because i remember thinking the same exact thoughts when i was a kid. So i said: "It IS weird!!! Here we are, two people full of internal organs, bones and squishy stuff talking to each other in a house full of things!!"

and i giggled and tickled her and i made her feel not-so-weird because Mom always comes through to be THE ULTIMATE weirdo...heee.

I raised my daughter without organized religion. I truly do not believe that religion is for children. For all that religion has that is good and beneficial, it also carries shame, guilt and unnecessary burden for actions and thoughts that are Human. Our civilized world will put enough of those negative aspects into our lives without internalizing ideas of eternal consequences for simply being alive.

Religion is strangely comforting...and i would watch my daughter enjoy the rituals involved when my family members would invite her to share...

But then i would watch her cringe when the grandmother of one of her playmates demanded to know if she loved Jesus. She muttered something that pleased this grandmother and off she ran to play with her little friend. She asked me later why it was so important that she loved Jesus and what that had to do with her playdate with her friend.

So what is it that I said to explain all the inexplicable things that religion is used to explain?? Instead of "God did it" I said, "I don't really know, but this is what may have happened. What do you think?"

Instead of trapping values in a box, i pointed out the beautiful and the weird, the logical and the particles. I explained that i believed religion to be a metaphor for the same questions we were trying to figure out, like maybe "god" is like all that intangible heat that you can feel on your skin but is impossible to hold in your hands.

Children, little humans ...heee...they are this wonderful source of raw Life. I read this figure earlier today that by the age of 5, children laugh 300 times a day. Adults, we only laugh about 17 times a day. (((i may break this rule)))

There's enough confinement in living in society and i didn't want to bind her more than i needed to.

I have found that Respect for Life, Self and Earth are more fun to explain with collaborative questioning and answers. I love to hear what that source of raw Life thinks...perhaps it can help me figure out what I really think, too!

"...and as history repeats..."

2009-03-20T12:32:00.007-04:00

distracted...coated layers thick with the "stories" that surrounded us from the moment we took the first sweetInhale of oxygen promised within the air ((would we break that promise, without knowing we could??))

my desire in life: to have the "stories" destroyed and to know the indescribable truth. The less manipulation in my life, the closer i'll be.

passion seeks focus.

witness passion below expressed in beautiful focus

Words from Ran Prieur - March 19th 2009 post here :

"Our path, instead, will be to continually break down the repressive systems, dodge the conquering systems, and rebuild good systems through the cracks, forever. Actually I think that will be more fun than Utopia."

he speaks...

2009-03-18T22:26:00.000-04:00

learning to cook

2009-03-02T23:36:00.005-05:00

I am a woman, Commonly existing...just like you. What can i write to explain expression and what can i pretend to know to say what i mean? ((do you think that perhaps we just utter things through typed out words, floods of motions screaming at our hands to document the arcs of movement?? Not revealing the purpose until the very end...some scrambled up mash of intentional emotionallystrangled logic...))

If i try to organize the flood, the flow evaporates in rapid despair...it's made me laugh quite often to carry around my insides so heavy with the need to Say...and the minute i try to throw in structure it completely fades.

I have realized i am drawn to the passionate forms of expression and that i must master one of these ways to truly convey what it is that i have to Share.

I was standing in my flamenco class last week with my arms held in a lengthened gentle curve, adjusting the angle so that i could transform the shadow cradled within the inside of my elbow from almost black to creamy dark brown. I listened to the rhythm of the music and i could feel my feet aching to know the words. "Just show me the words so that i can write the story!!" they seemed to scream!! I just continued to stand there, feeling the muscles in my arms and back starting to tire and i looked at my face and insisted to myself that I should continue to make them as long and as beautiful as possible. ((quite a feat for my short limbs!!))

When I enter the capoeira roda, it is the same...an essential ingredient missing. I know what it is that i want to express it is only that i am not strong/flexible/brave/controlled enough to say it. Oh!! When will i find that perfect point of balance to hold my body up against gravity on my hands? "Yes...yes let's play!! Oh and yes i want to do that and oooooh---if i could only do that right now..."

I realized the other day that the two forms of movement i have chosen to dedicate training my body to are both forms fundamentally born from the innate human need that we all have to spit in the face of oppression. Be it in the defiant way in which Flamenco expresses it or in the playful cunning way which is the beauty of Capoeira angola, physical movement has a way of verifying our nature as animals. I have never felt more alive and more authentically Me than i do at this point in my life.

I will be 31 years old next month and hellsgoddammit...I am ALIVE. I am trying to do everything i can to make it as validlyfantastic for myself, the earth i walk upon and the people with whom i share, as possible.

I know that at some point i will have all the ingredients to say what I need share...and just as importantly--Stomp my flamenco shoes to my gushinglySweaty heart's content and giggle at you upside down as I hold my body effortlessly on my hands.

on the way to work

2009-02-17T09:27:00.003-05:00

On the way to work this morning the sun was shining. My rear window defroster in my car is not working and i kept an eye on the the thick frost laying upon it to see when it would start to melt. The heat building within the car penetrated just as i arrived to where i was going.

Before driving, i awoke to start the say. A tall glass of water. A shower of opposites. My ((almost)) daily practice of standing on my hands, trying to control every muscle or perhaps it is more that i am trying to convince my muscles that it is a fine and grand idea to lift and hold my body up against the heavy push of gravity.

I also sang today. I strung up my berimbau and sang the song he had taught me this weekend. I found it in my book. I miss him...i miiiiiiiiss him. Distance is annoying.

I find it curious that within our innate need to relate to others that we can discover what matters to us -- the things which are fundamental to who we are. We can sit with ourselves for endless moments and somewhat grasp it but it's within the need to explain ourselves that we can discover how we have grown.

Once i had arrived to where i was driving to this morning, the frost still hadn't finished defrosting and was blocking my view. I needed to back up to leave again. So i got out and stuck my hand upon the frost to feel the cold. It left a wet, clear hand-shaped space. This made me smile. I continued to clear away the frost in this manner mostly because it felt good to be in the sun and at the same time, feel icy cold against my skin. I appreciate the small moments to touch the real things of nature and existence.

Small moments can be beautifullyFull.

balance point

2009-02-09T12:56:00.001-05:00

"Evolution is a balance: Where you have fast change you also have ultra conservation."

as it crumbles...

2009-02-08T23:38:00.004-05:00

Existing in America today is an overwhelming yet numbing thing. I've always existed in two worlds: my innerCuriousaboutBeauty world and the "practical" world outside of it.

Since I have realized the ways in which i can exist in those two worlds, i have been trying to figure out how to blend them together and at the same time, keep them distinct. It is my everlasting effort of crafting within the opposites.

Destruction. Collapse. Am i crazy to see this as a chance for a better way??

Oh...and more importantly, will everyone around me see this is a chance to make things better??

As tempting as it is, i know that I cannot retreat to my inner world and reject what goes on around me.

It will play out as it will. I'll share what i can during it and learn new skills to exist after it.

crouch close

2009-01-30T13:25:00.005-05:00

Peering through the crack in the sidewalk, i blocked out the sunlight. I was led by my eye ((the tool used by my brain's lust to satisfy the curiouslyaching itch inside)). There is snow all around and the sun contrasts the world with a sharper blade. The winter buries so many colors beneath, causing the shock of red berries trembling on the angles of branches to radiate something close to beauty and relief...and so i breeeeeaaathe.

In the Summer, the crack has dirt--dry--giving birth to more cracks in its very form---separations brittle scales opening to moist shifting in the deep. Sometimes a blade of grass or cammomile (((mmmmm... like apples..can i eat it??))). I have cut my lip with some grass before. the red dripped on the sidewalk in a beautiful drip spreading oblong sweet aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Winter sidewalk cracks are dark, and i touch the mud to feel the cold. I beng down to peer at melting ice and feel the moist...to smear the scent of mud and earth upon my skin. My hand is numb and my knee is throbbinglysore from running and dancing and still i crouch some more.

I blocked out the light to see what was there. I move because now i know; the discovery is made. The light shines in once again, transforming what i discovered...it's relevantly irrelevant in an interesting way.

So what do i see?? how do i know?? if i write the facts down...just to show a point reached-or- a deal made -or- an accomplished feat--will it change the way everything works? No. it really won't. So i write things down and throw them away. Or i write things and keep them because i like how they lay.

I smile at movement and cycles and time --(("and" is the Pause as i write this line)) - we evolve from the pause in movement lusting breaths, to do what we do the best.

ceaselessly Moving

2009-01-08T09:57:00.004-05:00

There has been a thread swimming around in my head for a few days now. I'm hoping to give it shape with a coating of words. We'll see.

How do we lift away from it? I mean, once you understand what it means to be genuine to your sense of humanity, how do you do it?? I guess i could revert back to isolation. Yes, it has value...but only to a certain extent. The balance within isolation is that you share the value gained from it with others.

You know what made me laugh the other day?? It was the realization that acheiving balance is the never-ending movement of existence. Sure, I've always understood this in things outside of myself: chemical reactions, teeter-totters, the beauty of the color gray. I never realized it in a human way - a social way. The way that interactions between ALL of us lead to a "balance". Once we reach that, we all evolve, grow and move forward to acheive the next balance point.

I am feeling that enough people are seeing through the illusions we have all lived with for years. I might actually be logically thinking this idea as well. I have read enough things lately to help me balance that idea between thought and feeling. It's getting there...

Here is a intriguing piece of writing written by Mike C. Ruppert on the dangers of "remainders" and imbalance. Definitely worth reading.

unabashedly, i blush

2008-12-28T12:29:00.005-05:00

We are all confined.

Those of us who choose to exist in modern society are grown, tended and expanded by the benefits of collaborative efforts -- but also confined by the rules and limits we place upon ourselves. Yes, there is a rage that exists within all of us. We try to pacify this by seeking solutions because somehow not knowing leaves a bad taste in our mouths. Religion, Food, Political groups, Support groups, Technology etc.etc.etc.etc...

I am a strange character to most people i know; i refuse to be bounded by one thing. The reason for this is because in just the last five years, my perspective has changed dramatically in various ways. I cannot know anything/everything for sure -- and i don't see how any ideology, in any form, can say that its way is the "correct" way.

The way i have come to understand Life is that the "correct" answer is perpetually changing and evolving -- and it doesn't give a fuck where Humanity classifies it. Humbling, isn't it??

I have always respected the views of others. I know that people seek their beliefs for various reasons: morality, comfort, community, activism... but couldn't we as a beautifullyLogical and creative Organism, somehow gain these things without creating an ideological chokehold??

Life and existence is so achingly beautiful. Yes, there is death and destruction, but along with that are the opposites -- birth and growth while we humbly stumble around in curious mistakes. Why stuff it in a suffocating box?? Why place limits on it??

Hey--you!! Guess what?! I will spin around here in my spot and wink at you every now and then to remind you---it's the Pause...the Pause of doubt...the surrender of dropping to your knees and pressing your nose into the earth and inhaling the delicious smell of dirtClinging roots and sultry moss. Ohhh yes, LifeLifeLife...

Bill Maher speaks in this video:

"...But if you believe that the world is going to come to an end and perhaps any day now, does it not drain ones motivation to improve life on Earth while we are here...?"

(((If anything, i hope this video spurs some thought: are we focused on the end -- or are we unabashedly tasting this amazing Life in all its delicious Beauty??)))

"That's it: Grow up or Die." - Bill Maher

(((Humans confined and limited are a dangerous thing)))

liminality

2008-12-21T23:32:00.006-05:00

The Winter Solstice. The name we give to an observation from the Earth. A point of stillness ((gushing with potential)) and from it, the lines we draw between seasons...and perhaps, light and dark.

I definitely think it is worth noticing and celebrating. I've learned in recent years the beauty available within the pause. Movement takes on a different meaning. So during these points throughout the year, they become a reminder of change and perpetual movement...not a cycle, but a spiral. Something that has the freedom to contract and grow.

I've noticed that those of us who choose to write our thoughts down tend to become imprisoned by the direction in which we choose to go. Why not contradict ourselves? What is wrong with that?? If I were never unhappy, how could I ever know the delicious joy of happiness?? If I had never been intoxicated by libertarian views, how could I ever have known and seen the beautiful sense of respecting others liberties along with mine? There is no "correct" way to exist in this life. We are ALL undulating masses of energy---breathe with me. In and out. Opposites pulling at everything we are and touch. It is how we Learn and Grow.

So as our planet glides through those lines we humans create, let us enjoy the liminality that we create from that point of robust pause---it's ok to dip our toes into either side.

Really---it's OK.

Happy ((day after)) the Winter Solstice.

(((sometimes you need a little dark so you can see the beauty in the light...)))

imprinting the handle

2008-12-16T14:32:00.002-05:00

I wish that I actually knew the feeling--of working with a tool...skill obtained by thousand of moments filled with hundreds of mistakes. Little victories bursting forth like colordrenched explosions, raising their head---little pinpricks of delight-- every time I reached out to put it to its natural purpose. It would all be encapsulated within the slight rippling indentations of my familiar tool.

Perhaps the loss of working with our hands ((hell...I tend not to even write with actual pencil scratching upon paper anymore)) has led us all to forget the pleasure of slowly discovering our strengths and weaknesses through the action of motion and the learning process of interacting with physical things. Perhaps it is why I admire musicians, artists and writers...It is the strongest example of mixing intangibility with something real and something passionate that can be shared.

I do think that this was something that was available to everyone at one time, regardless of artistic/creative ability. It is something everyone should try to rediscover. It is a fundamental lesson in feeling connected to something.

Present day society is so far away from nurturing this idea of discovery and connection, but I really think it thrives in many of us despite the shallowness of the "ideas" most of us have grown up with and learned to swallow.

I am thankful for that mysterious quality of curiosity which makes us all torturously human.

I think we sell ourselves short if we don't believe that we can share an idea or spur an idea within someone else. I read because I learn. I listen because it makes me feel, which changes the ways in which I learn. I write things down to empty the thoughts to make room for the new for which I learned by feeling while I listened.

We all have our way. We need to explore and work with All of who we are: working the oils from our body into that handle so that we can create something new.

Paperclips can become undone

2008-12-05T11:28:00.002-05:00

Questioning why you do the things you do ((in the way that you do them)) is one of the hardest things to do... and there may be an answer, but perhaps the most valuable lessons come from within the process of asking.

Valuing process--or the method/technique of acquiring knowledge or answers, is something that I only understood rather recently in my life. It isn't something we are taught through life because it seems that most of what we are taught is focused on doing things correctly or right---the answer.

So what if we all took an active role in the process of how we live our life --- instead of focusing on some warped idea of an endpoint of success??

I mean, with the way the economy and our everyday lives are going now, can we say that what most of us do for our lives really fulfills us?? Even if you LOVE your job and profession, doesn't it make you cringe for it to be loaded with debts and expectations---limitations on who you are??

I don't know what the answer is, but I think that focusing on the process of Me Living this life and interacting with others to Learn how you live this Life, will lead me to figure out a better way to live it meaningfully and genuinely.

Isolation, i've learned, is a necessary state. It's a process on it's own. There is a point where you see how to unravel the knots and find a new process to explore and learn from.

So what do you think? What do you feel? I really want to know!!

enthusiasm is underrated

2008-11-23T15:29:00.007-05:00

Words from Ran Prieur

"The same way the ruling interests become corrupt through an exploitative relationship with the people, we all become corrupt when we participate in a society that exploits the life around it. When we talk about "nature," we don't mean wheat fields or zoo animals -- we mean plants that scatter seeds to the wind and animals that roam at will. We mean freedom, raw aliveness, and we can't repress it outside ourselves without also repressing it inside ourselves. The spirit that guides our shoe when it crushes grass coming through cracks in the driveway, also guides us to crush feelings and perceptions coming through cracks in our paved minds, and we need these feelings and perceptions to make good decisions, to be sane.

If primitive life seems better to us, it's because it's easier for smaller and simpler societies to avoid falling into domination. In the best tribes, the "chief" just tells people to do what they want to do anyway, and a good chief will channel this energy into a harmonious whole. But the bigger a system gets, and the longer a big system lasts, the more challenging it is to maintain a bottom-up energy structure.

I have a wild speculation about the origin of complex societies. The Great Pyramid of Giza is superior in every way to the two pyramids next to it -- yet the Great Pyramid was the first of the three to be built. It's like Egyptian civilization appeared out of nowhere at full strength, and immediately began declining. My speculation is: the first pyramid was not built by slaves! It was built by an explosion of human enthusiasm channeled into a massive cooperative effort. But then, as we've seen in pretty much every large system in history, this pattern of human action hardened, leaders became rulers, inspired actions became chores, and workers became slaves."

I appreciate enthusiasm within people. I have always loved people brimming with it. I've seen people carry it and nurture it in different forms...the darker, quiet forms are the most fascinating.

We must not forget the potential power available to us through our enthusiasm to create new ways and new ideas.

The Barriers We Build...

2008-11-15T11:42:00.003-05:00

The last four years of my life have impacted my life profoundly. The things I have found, the people I have met, the ideas I have wrapped my mentalTendrils around in a quest of understanding -- and the things I have realized, have changed my outlook and realization of existence/reality in a way that can only progress. I can never go back to the way I previously saw myself in this Life.

And it has been SO lonely. Because in my realization that we are all caught up in a society that is False, in a way of living that is based on Growth and Prosperity, which is IMPOSSIBLE...((because we all exist on Earth and resources ((oil, water, land, etc. are not limitless)) -- that i have been bred in this life to be a caricature of what a Human really is...and most people just don't get it.

((It seems like no one around me understands what I am saying.))

Or perhaps they are like me, and it's too hard, way too fucking hard, to say -- well, fuck it!! This shit is false; this job sucks! This economy doesn't make sense -- let's go live as humans were meant to and discover what it is to REALLY be ALIVE once again. Because---Hells!! I still wake up every day and go to my meaningless job so i can have false money to buy my daughter ((and myself!)) clothes/things that reinforce our false sense of Value and Worth.

So anyway ...i stay on this train, with all "humanity" --because i'll be fucked if i jump off of it. Why?? because --- I DON"T KNOW HOW TO EXIST WITHOUT IT!! Do i know how to hunt? No. Do I know how to find water? No. Do I know what is edible and not poisonous out there in the lushness of Earth's bounty? No. Do I know how to grow my own food? No. Can I build a shelter? No.

Sure, I can learn how to do all of that---and I am!! But...why was that taken away? Why do we NOT all know how to do that? Why is there this barrier of technology/humanity between us and the reality of where we are---existing in Nature??

I am 30 years old now. I feel like I was just born...or actually -- No. I feel like I am coming down that slippery birth canal and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!! Living in this society has been like being rocked into a never-ending sleep. It has been like never being allowed to be who I truly am---who we truly are!! We are Living Organisms with a place in this beautiful Universe.

I look at my parents and my grandparents. People who were taught that you work hard. "WORK HARD, people, and you'll be rewarded at the end of your life...with ...REST and PEACE!!!" And my father, who wants nice things to reflect what he has accomplished, How HARD he has worked -- and seeing that glimmer of realization deep inside of him ---that NO. This is NOT PEACE. THIS will NEVER make me happy. There has to be more...this can not be IT.

There was always more.

But how can I explain that to him...?? How can I make him see something that contradicts everything he has ever been taught to believe???

So yes.

I will ride this "Train" until it crashes...and I hope that when it does, I'll be able to drag my bleeding body into a grassyUndulating meadow and feel the Earth against my back and sunlight on my face and feel----truly feel---my place in the connection of it All. That is Real.

Connection is what it is All about.

Please watch.

Richard Manning on the Green Revolution

Richard Manning on the the Psychosis of Civilization

A movie everyone should definitely watch:

what a way to go

"The World After Bush"

2008-11-09T14:51:00.003-05:00

" I think more, that..that what's happening is the case of 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. I think that the World looks at Obama and the see this beautiful president...that will be good for them...and I think that is a danger."

"And you think that is misleading..."

"Well, I think it's just wrong...Because he can only do so much and the fact is the same is true within the United States. Expectations are very very high."

"Are we sounding negative??"

"No, we are sounding very realistic."

Ok...now that I've had a few days to absorb my emotions surrounding the symbolism of the election, I believe that Obama winning this election was the better choice. I think that just the mere symbolic power of someone who is not white rising to power within the United States of America gives whole groups of people inspiration and hope. It re-affirms worth within people who have been oppressed for centuries -- and that fact alone is worth a tremendous amount.

But instead of letting hope, inspiration ((emotion)) carry us away and causing it to make us ignore the other logic which exists -- FACTS, we need to be aware of what is Actually possible.

If we are aware of that, i truly think that we could create more possibilities with our emotions -- but it is up the American people to Act...to find a way to use our emotioninspirationhope to guide this new leadership in a way that will be positive for not only our country--but also, the World.

Freedom cannot exist for only one people. That is impossible. Freedom is a basic human right---For ALL.

Here are videos from the Al Jazeera Channel -- A different perspective is always beneficial.

i had to find it...

2008-10-20T00:18:00.004-04:00

Do you know what I mean??? I had to find it.

The "it" is essential and abstract and achinglyElusive...but it exists.

The way i experience it is within sparks, or perhaps it is the experience of warmth undulating from within me.

The only way I know to honor it is by sharing it. I usually share it with those who don't even notice...but then there are those beloved souls who feel it and turn to me to share their "it" with me. Perhaps they never knew "it" was there for the finding, but now...shit, now...it is undeniable.

I point at that star trembling in the sky...or to the leaf crinkling against brittle branches. Or walk with me!! --just feel this bark, smell this apple...feel it. feel it. feel it.

It is the only way to be here, alive and fulfill the Humanity we all possess.

Thankyou for sharing with me :)

and on a less personal note...

(((a beautiful new theory of everything from Garrett Lisi)))

beautiful..so beautiful...possibilities.

Trying to Create...

2008-10-07T23:32:00.004-04:00

a way to be free!!!

It is a thought I have had often. Why must I work in monotonous boring jobs to participate in a society i don't understand?? When my daughter was a baby, I would look at her sometimes and sit her in front of the ghastly TV (((oh PLEASE!!!!! don't brainwash my little girl during this hour..PLEASE))) simply so that i could breathe...so that i could sit in silence and feel the part of me that vibrates freely. The part that i had to swallow down to be a "hard worker" and "diligent employee". To be a "good mom"" who bought her baby all the cute things a baby should have.

Part of me has always fought against the ridiculousness of the circumstances of my existence. With fierce blushing and trembling voice at times...with silent glances to hide what i couldn't explain about the illogical manner of the way we all live.

This system is falling apart. It is for the better. Let's move to replace it with something that makes SENSE. Let's create the way there together.

Yup...be prepared.

2008-09-27T12:56:00.002-04:00

Worth reading.

clipped from www.energybulletin.net

freedom

2008-09-21T02:33:00.005-04:00

Lately, I have been considering my political views and trying to figure out where I "stand" within the spectrum of right to left-left to right or whichever way you may choose to begin.

I've discovered that I support many viewpoints across the board---it depends on what is appropriate with conditions as they exist at any given time.

Freedom is hard work and huge responsibility. It means taking responsibility for yourself to discover what you believe in, struggle to find out its truths and to pursue rediscovering truth as you see it while you evolve in this experience. It means to have enormous respect for those who exist beside you and to not limit ((do harm)) to their experience as they pursue their truth as well.

Perhaps if members within a society truly focused on these aspects of keeping Freedom in their lives, a free market would work--it would be based on what people truly want and need-- and not influenced by people corrupted by trying to impose their wants on others.

Sadly, it seems as if people as a whole haven't evolved to a point where Freedom is something that can truly be sustained without ugly things creeping in to tarnish it or warp it.

So then we move to things such as Socialism ((by the way, i realize i am terribly simplifying an ideology---but i am not an expert, so i am choosing not to expand)), where everyone should be the same and we are limited by what is in the best interest of the working class. and perhaps that is what is needed at certain points--to teach people respect for their fellow man and to develop the thirst for and tools to nurture Freedom in their lives anew.

I don't really know. All i know is that my need for Freedom is what has driven every decision in my life. I do my best to express why it is important to me---and to humanity--in the ways that i know how.

Maybe this whole ride is about struggle, of re-learning what is valuable. Of having freedom taken away so that we all remember that we are fucking human and that living our lives honoring who we are requires liberty, hard work and passion!!!!!

Anyway, we will see...i guess we will see what happens. And as always, i will continue to share.

Water...be aware of what goes on.

Ideology vs Fact

2008-09-17T23:41:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it is beneficial to step away from the "labels" we constrain ourselves with and take a look to consider other viewpoints.

Can't really argue with the fact that it doesn't matter whether you are a "Liberal" or "Conservative"---our lives are directly impacted by the Reality of what drives our everyday lives. The economy consists of the dance between income and expenses...and since our role and functioning within the economy is ((sadly)) what most of us focus a majority of our existence on, it makes sense to understand what is going on in every way possible.

"Stealing America: Vote by Vote"

2008-09-01T17:01:00.004-04:00

Definitely important.

It is time to wake up. Seriously. No matter how out of touch we all feel with the processes which manipulate our lives, we still MATTER. If you don't speak, no one will ever hear you.

We each have a mind and our Experience in this Life.
We are alive---right NOW. Shit is not OK in this country. Things need to change.

There are processes in place here in America which still give us a chance to be heard. We should do what we can to make that process BETTER!!!!-- instead of lulling ourselves into indifference.

Document the process ((videotape!)), ask questions, capture moments.

If They can watch Us, we sure as Hell better be watching Them!

Stealing America

animate the message

2008-08-31T21:03:00.003-04:00

These are brilliant...check them out!

Mark Fiore's Animated Cartoon Site

"Classified!"

2008-07-27T11:26:00.003-04:00

If "Classified" things happen, do we give up complete control over our lives to the Government?? As Americans, and citizens of this country, we have an obligation and a responsiblity to be aware of what is going on within our governmental processes.

If we choose not to, don't be surprised when the way you live your life drastically changes in the future.

Sometimes it is hard to look at what is ACTUALLY happening---but we Must.

I am ALIVE---and so are You. We are Humans living within what our collective Humanity has created up until now--this moment in time.

I want to LIVE, don't you???

Occupation- Do you know?

2008-07-03T09:58:00.007-04:00

Art for a Change

Meaningful Living--"The Tragedy of Suburbia"

2008-06-17T23:38:00.003-04:00

The current way cities and communities exist will definitely have to be transformed with the realization of how limited resources have become. I think it would be quite wonderful to live in a place where I could walk to work and live more locally.

"The Tragedy of Suburbia"

Food is a NECESSITY--not a choice

2008-06-03T08:26:00.003-04:00

I live in Rochester, NY. I love upstate NY...so lush, so much water and nature. Tremendous beauty.

Yesterday I grabbed my daughter's hand and we walked to the lake. There is a long pier and I enjoy walking the length of it. The sunsetting colordripping sky creates a smoldering edge where it meets the bluegrey water...I love to watch the subtle transformations...things like that give me the opportunity to drown within my own ridiculousness for a while. Anyway...we make it to the end of the pier and there is this old man sitting in a motorized wheel chair. He is fishing. I squealed a little because i almost stepped on a fish. And when i looked down, the old man's wheelchair is surrounded by about 20 dead fish!! I looked at one of these fish and it was still breathing, gulping down that horrible oxygen...suffocating.

and all of the sudden i hear:

"Ehhhh! No Good!!!!!!!!" SPLAT!!!

This man was fishing and then throwing these fish against the concrete after pulling them from the water.

so i asked:

"What are you doing? Why are you killing all of these fish?"

and He says:

"They're no good!!! And i'll get fined if I throw them back! The seagulls will get 'em! they'll be all gone!"

so i said:

"Well maybe you should stop fishing. Seems like all the fish are bad, so no use in wasting your time."

He ignored me and went back to smiling into the sun and muttering to himself. My daughter pulled on my arm and said "Mom! Please stop talking!! Let's just go!" oh how effectively society has taught her not to rock the boat. Too bad for society that I am her Mother.

So I looked at her and said "Honey, this is wrong. There is no reason or sense in it. It is not OK. It is wasteful."

I tell you this story to say this:

It cost me more to drive to the lake. It cost me more to eat the dinner I ate. I don't see my income or opportunities to make more income becoming plentiful in my community any time soon. There is this beautiful lake full of fish. The fish swimming in it used to be good before we started polluting its environment with our commercial waste. Now, no one wants to eat from it. People throw squirming fish onto concrete with a little grin and self-righteousness. Other people walk by and shake their heads. But no one ever says anything.

When things are not right---not right in general to anyone, or just not right to You personally---they don't get better by just shaking your head or by ignoring them and focusing on the things that ARE right.

They get worse. Those "not right" things bleed out into the things that are good. It always happens. It is inevitable.

SURPRISE!!! WORLD WIDE FOOD CRISIS!!!!

Change needs to happen. or guess what? we won't be able to eat! and guess what that means??

our squishy bodies gasping for air against sundrenched concrete.

Re-thinking solutions---perhaps technology wont be the solution we all hoped. Going back to basics.

Simple Breakdown

2008-05-24T00:18:00.003-04:00

Sometimes simplicity makes me smile!! Teen + Canada + Fresh Perspective + Scientific Method = Badass Solutions.

clipped from www.treehugger.com

Teen Finds Way to Decompose Plastic Bags in Just 3 Months!

If ordinary plastic bags would rot away like banana peels there’s no doubt a host of environmental problems would be solved, the fate of the turtle above included. And one 11th grader from Canada set out to make that dream come true as part of his school science project. A wildly successful endeavor he figures will make them decompose in just 3 months.

Well, he decided the fact that they do, eventually, decompose after 1,000 years on their own meant there must be something out there causing it, and postulated that it might well be naturally occurring microorganisms behind it.

Ultimately, he identified two strains of bacteria that work together to pull it off, with Sphingomonas serving as the primary decomposer with help from Pseudomonas.

And according to Burd, industrial application should be easy, "All you need is a fermenter . . . your growth medium, your microbes and your plastic bags."

water from the roots--Grow

2008-05-22T18:24:00.003-04:00

Here is an article forwarded to me by my amazinglybadass friend, Courtney. The most striking thing this article did for me was really point out that---Yes---we all exist in this system dominated by those in power...but change, REAL change occurs from the bottom up.

It's about remembering that we are all ALIVE and HUMAN and that with each breath, we have the ability to create what we want.

We choose what we put into our minds, we choose how much we experience each moment. We all choose how deeply we wish to Live.

Change happens when we choose to "end" things. The end of something means the beginning of other things. I want my new beginnings to be amazing and fulfilling!! (((the beautifulspiral)))

The "System" is definitely broken...and its up to us brilliant folk to collaborate, innovate, evolve and Share.

Life is delicious. Develop your brilliance, infuse colors into your thread...savor your spark. And please---SHARE it with all of us!!!

clipped from socialistworker.org

The image and the reality of change

The higher someone rises in the U.S. political system, the more likely they are to abandon ideals and principles when it becomes political inconvenient or "unrealistic."

But no, it's a systemic problem--and the reason for the failure of Black politicians to represent Black working people is ultimately the same as the reason for the failure of white politicians to represent white working people.

I believe change does not happen from the top down. It happens from the bottom up. Dr. King understood that. It was those women who were willing to walk instead of ride the bus, union workers who are willing to take on violence and intimidation to get the right to organize. It was women who decided, "I'm as smart as my husband. I'd better get the right to vote."... Arguing, mobilizing, agitating and ultimately forcing elected officials to be accountable--I think that's the key.

the Mystery catalyzes

2008-05-20T08:33:00.006-04:00

"No Christ, No Buddha, No Priest, No Rabbi, No Guru can do it for you. You have to develop your own one-on-one relationship with the Mystery...with the Divine." - Tom Robbins

Watch.

One

dirt feels good

2008-05-19T21:24:00.002-04:00

I really need to find time to grow my own delicious natural food!!

clipped from openleft.com

Who'll Cure Our Kids, Big Pharma Or Small Farmers?

by: Living Liberally

Mon May 19, 2008 at 14:15

Eating Liberally Food For Thought

by Kerry Trueman

Isn't it kind of odd for a culture that trumpets its 'family values' to treat its children like cattle, fattening them up on corn and soy by-products? We love our kids so much we've let Big Food turn them into cash cows for Big Pharma. A new study estimates that "about 1.2 million American children now are taking pills for Type 2 diabetes, sleeping troubles and gastrointestinal problems such as heartburn."

As demand for fresh, local food rises, we cannot continue to rely entirely on farmers' markets. Asking every farmer to plant, harvest, drive his pickup truck to a market and sell his goods there is like asking me to cook, take reservations, serve and wash the dishes.

We now need to support a system of well-coordinated regional farm networks, each suited to the food it can best grow...

Yes, really...

2008-05-15T18:31:00.008-04:00

There are way too many distractions around. Yes, I suppose it is snobby, but---Challenge me with your thinking!! Fascinate me with new facts!! Dazzle me with perspective!! Entertain me with wit!! No, i didn't watch that TV show last night---I was too busy being entranced by a wonderfullycreative book!!

It's not only the "dumbing of America" that worries me, though. It is also the lack of REAL connections...Of sharing Real time.moments.breath with another person as opposed to online banter and foggy weekends. Yes--humor is delicious, but so is fully feeling a moment.

Reading develops curiosity and hunger for more knowledge. More knowledge creates more connections, fuller perspectives and interesting flavors.

I'm trying not to let mySelf be distracted from what is valuable and Real. Perhaps that is something more people should do.

clipped from www.washingtonpost.com

The Dumbing Of America

Call Me a Snob, but Really, We're a Nation of Dunces

I cannot prove that reading for hours in a treehouse (which is what I was doing when I was 13) creates more informed citizens than hammering away at a Microsoft Xbox or obsessing about Facebook profiles. But the inability to concentrate for long periods of time -- as distinct from brief reading hits for information on the Web -- seems to me intimately related to the inability of the public to remember even recent news events. It is not surprising, for example, that less has been heard from the presidential candidates about the Iraq war in the later stages of the primary campaign than in the earlier ones, simply because there have been fewer video reports of violence in Iraq. Candidates, like voters, emphasize the latest news, not necessarily the most important news.

class changes

2008-05-11T21:10:00.005-04:00

It's crazy trying to find a job in my hometown. I had this crazy overnight job running printers for two years. Most of the people I worked with had four year college degrees and I remember talking to my friend one night...we were standing outside in the parking lot during one of our breaks.

I said --"Damn...if I had known I would be doing this kind of bullshit when I graduated from college, I would have skipped the whole thing and spent those years sharing more moments with my daughter rather than sleepless nights reading textbooks after I tucked her into bed!!"
And he said "I know, right??"

And then we both just looked up at the stars.

It seems that the current structure of social class is disappearing and what is replacing it isn't necessarily pretty...

clipped from www.guardian.co.uk

After the boomers, meet the children dubbed 'baby losers'

Across Spain, France and Italy, young middle-class professionals with good degrees and diplomas are facing a lifetime on low salaries with unrewarding jobs, forever poorer than their parents. Investigation by Graham Keeley in Barcelona, Jason Burke in Paris and Tom Kington in Rome

The kids learning to swim at the pool near Via Casilina, in a working-class suburb of Rome, could not ask for better qualified instructors. One is a literature graduate with a masters in communications from Brussels, while another, Antonio di Martino, is an aerospace engineer.

Di Martino, 30, still has to finish his degree, but with a one-year-old baby and another child on the way, and afternoons and evenings working at the pool to bring in €1,100 (£870) a month, something had to give.

perspective and exquisite geometry

2008-04-27T21:07:00.002-04:00

"Sustainability is just the starting point..."

2008-04-09T23:23:00.004-04:00

This video is inspiring and exciting!! Chemistry is so interesting... Imagine living in a world where everything we produce and consume becomes a nutrient for the Earth. Instead of destroying and damaging our environment, humans become valuable and nourishing. Instead of just thinking about sustainability of what is already here, We start thinking of growing our environment.

fragile connections

2008-04-08T18:08:00.003-04:00

Definitely worth a listen.

clipped from www.npr.org

Are We Doomed? Why Civilizations Like Ours Fall

The Bryant Park Project, April 7, 2008 · Are we doomed? Debora MacKenzie, the author of a recent New Scientist cover story, says our survival depends on how connected we are to each other.
"A civilization is a system whereby people get what they need. They get the basics of life — food, water, shelter, civil order, and some kind of satisfaction," she argues. "When they fall is when they can no longer meet their people's basic needs using the mechanisms that have evolved.

Listen Now [10 min 25 sec] add to playlist

This is something that really does need to be thought about in creative new ways...

As things become more complex and expand further away from the root, the connections seem thinner and weaker. Just think about that tree in your backyard...

Is the answer to make things more simple? To strengthen the root of civilization---the foundation-- to make what is born out of it vibrant and stronger?? Do we really need to sacrifice efficiency to do that? Or is there a way to nurture those foundations while utilizing emerging technologies in efficiently creative ways??

VERYveryvery Interesting to think about...

listen slow

2008-03-27T21:53:00.003-04:00

I'm lovin' TEDtalks today---beautifullybrilliant stuff. It's one of my favorite places to visit.

i've been torn lately. There are two sides of mySelf that are always dancing around inside. My practical place and my endlessgushingcreative place. I escape from one within the other---slowly savoring the flow in between.

When i was little i used to play on the banks of a tiny stream. I'd watch the water flow and ripple in the center. Coldcoldcold water full of sunlight reflections and leaves. It was real to be amazed. It was true to smell the fragrance of mud and earth mingling with breeze and skin... ((Moss peels off stone and bark and looks lovely upon my foot.))

There are equations and molecules and genera and species to define those things... but right now, it is enough to just feel, smell, taste, listen and Be.

Enjoy the music.

Beautifully Tangled Brilliance

2008-03-27T21:40:00.003-04:00

Exuberance is rare---and i can't help but appreciate it when i happen upon it.

There exists a vibrant curiosity---a thirst for discovery...a passion for living in certain humans---

i just hope i can continue to admire such people for the rest of my life.

This video seems a little tangled throughout----but each thread is tied together in the end. Watch and be inspired.

Livingalive

2008-03-22T11:17:00.003-04:00

I was going through my daily routine the other day. Alarm goes off. Get dressed, brush my teeth. Go to gym to run on a treadmill. Come home, shower, drive to school. Run from class to class. Run to my car, drive to work. Shuffle papers for a few hours. Come home. Studystudyshoveinfointo my brain. I want to practice dancing. I want to practice singing. I want to practice movements. I want to write about the moonlight tracing paths to sunrise. But it's 1 am and i have to repeat that mind lulling routine again.

It probably sounds like most everyone's life. But i stopped one day, to admire the changing the sky and i realized that i can create my life anyway i want to. Fuck being afraid of change. Time is fast, and it keeps flowing. Whatever i choose to do, it will bring what it brings---and i will learn from it all.

Create. THAT is what it is all about.

"The end of America"

2008-03-16T23:31:00.004-04:00

Denial is comforting---but when the floor crumbles beneath you, it is hard to deny THAT, isn't it?

Start looking around...Be aware!The only way life continues as you want it to is if you actually CARE and take some action.

Watch...ponder---Act.

" a tree is not made of wood"

2008-02-20T12:21:00.011-05:00

it IS wood! What it is made of is not separate from what it IS. One of the points beautifully explained in this book:

"THE BOOK On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are" By Alan Watts

((FYI---Sorry about the link...i can't get it to post correctly for some reason. It is a pdf document---i separated it into two lines. You need to copy them individually as they wont copy in a continuous line. Just copy the first half first and paste it up in your address bar, then slap the second half on to the end of it. Let me know if there are any problems. Enjoy!!))

located here:
http://leary.ru/download/watts/Book%20On%20The%20Taboo
%20Against%20Knowing%20Who%20You%20Are.pdf

I've been thinking much about Me and my place in Now.

Living for Now is not appreciated much. People don't like it if you are late to things because you were having a fascinating conversation with your daughter. Or people kind of look at you funny when you walk into work with your face turned upwards to feel snow fall on your face.

I've probably ruined many a romantic relationship because i fearlessly want to live NOW. "Feel me now...taste me now---look this is freaking interesting as hell right Now!" People start thinking about the future...but if we are always living for some end point when we are 60...what do we miss NOW??

I don't mean disregarding security and comfort for yourself in the future is a good idea. But what about going through your day appreciating each moment more fully?? Slow. Laugh. Love. Taste. Kiss. Discuss. Learn.

In our current thinking---If a future event is caused by actions that take place beforehand----it makes sense that our future will be Good if we can learn to take the time to make our Now as delicious as possible. Because really ((in other ways of thinking)) NOW is everything.

I highly recommend reading the book above!!!

after the Peak...

2008-02-16T22:26:00.007-05:00

I just stumbled upon this documentary---it's an older one---from 2006. I must have missed it somehow. Definitely should be watched!! It explains how oil is really central to all of our lives and when the decline gets here, ((according to the documentary---2010)) it's going to disrupt our coddled ((oh-shit!- the-pacifier fell-out-of-my-mouth!)) lives.

For anyone who hasn't seen it yet---Watch!

"You can do it! You can do it!!"

2008-02-10T10:38:00.001-05:00

Ideas are essential...but implementing and actually DOING is better!!

(((i love this guy!)))

Making sustainability a reality...

gas captured!

2008-02-04T21:56:00.002-05:00

Chemists are damn sexy! Especially while creating a new badass process!! Whisper those molecular arrangements in my ear, please!

clipped from www.nanitenews.com

Rounding up gases, nano style (2/3/2008)

Chemists unveil new process for capturing and storing gas. Potential spin-offs include improvements to greenhouse gas management and fuel cell development.

A new process for catching gas from the environment and holding it indefinitely in molecular-sized containers has been developed by a team of University of Calgary researchers, who say it represents a novel method of gas storage that could yield benefits for capturing, storing and transporting gases more safely and efficiently.

"We have come up with a material that mechanically traps gas at high densities without having to use high pressures, which require special storage tanks and generate safety concerns."

"The process is highly controllable and because we're not breaking any strong chemical bonds, the material is completely recyclable and can be used indefinitely," Shimizu said.

the beautiful mystery

2008-02-04T16:04:00.001-05:00

There have been certain moments in my life where i have felt most alive. It has always happened while i have been outside in nature.

I have this extremely vivid memory of myself at age 5, playing in my driveway in innercity Rochester, NY on a hothumid summer afternoon. I was drawing pictures in the dirt with a stick and suddenly i felt very dizzy and nauseous---and i remember digging my hands into the gravel driveway i was sitting on---because i was worried of being sucked into the swirling all around me. I focused on the blades of sharpgreen grass in front of me and i remember thinking "what if all of this is just a dream??" "Am i really real?" and then i laughed! It was so hilariously funny. I tried to tell my older brother about it but he just shooed me away---he was trying to be cool in front of his friends or something silly like that.

But you know what? Now that i am older, and have been to other parts of this world, met magnificient human beings and continue to have moments of holy-hells!!-my-stomach-is-going-to-collapse---sometimes i think i am crazycrazycrazy! for holding on to that gnarly gravel---- because, really...

the swirls are so much more tantalizingly alive!!

(((enjoytheride)))

shock to exploit

2008-01-26T21:43:00.001-05:00

We all know what we want---don't ever doubt that.

Let's not be "shocked" away from our ideas.

full of garbage

2008-01-26T17:06:00.002-05:00

Instead---lets do it a smarter way!!!

Technology is badass.

clipped from www.chemistrytimes.com

A better biocell (1/26/2008)

As Calgary grows, so does its environmental footprint. At current rates, city landfills will be used up in 30 to 40 years. However, a new approach to waste disposal could extend the lifespan of Calgary landfills to a century. This University of Calgary-designed technology is already turning garbage into fuel.

A "biocell" encloses a would-be landfill, and with Mother Nature's help, breaks down biodegradable materials in the garbage. The full-scale Biocell pilot project at Calgary's Shepard landfill site has been in operation since April 2005. Covering almost a hectare, it has been fed 65,000 tonnes of residential garbage.

Biocell project leader Dr. Patrick Hettiaratchi works with the University of Calgary's Centre for Environmental Engineering Research and Education (CEERE). He says that the Biocell is a waste facility, not just a garbage dump.

Sometimes talking just gets old---Action---how?

2008-01-15T23:24:00.002-05:00

I spent a wonderful evening with one of my close friends the other night. She is one of my most interesting friends ever, and i always love getting to discover her perspective. Plus, she is just freaking hilarious!! Witty, intelligent conversations---beer drinking... "put your glasses on and look at the sky, dammit---see Orion up there?!" "oh yeah! it's the only one i can ever see".

Anyway, she has made friends with a socialist group here in town and i asked her a few questions about how the group was going to effect change. What is the purpose?

Recent events in my life have soured my view on pledging my allegiance to ANY group. I mean, i am all for the collective sharing of information and ideas for humanity but when you start dividing humanity into special groups of people, it gets a little ridiculous and complicated. One group thinks it is better than the other---when really, we are ALL just humans getting in each others' way.

Anyway--

I understood the main intentions of the socialist group---worker's rights, freedom for the working class, equal rights-equal chances. Trying to get the elite out of ruling our lives--the silver spoon-fed privileged ones who have never worried how they were going to put food on the table or pay the bills ((i can definitely relate to that!))----and move some workingthinking people into the role of fighting for our collective rights.

But how?? If not one candidate represents the socialist view or has a realistic chance at winning this election, wouldn't it be foolish not to vote for somebody?? I know it seems that when you look at the choices, it is like picking from a bunch of bruised apples---which one will have the least damaged pulp when you peel the skin off---

But i truly feel that people need to start acting. I would rather vote for someone that supports some things that agree with my viewpoints, then have someone in there that has no idea what the hell my viewpoint is.

Sometimes i feel like i don't know where to start. I'm trying to Do. I'm trying to learn things to give my mind more tools to create in this world. Ideas---methods---patterns...something that makes some kind of crazysense on this slide. I hope to help make something more efficient and natural in this world. Something that hums along with the natural vibrations.

I've lifted my eyes from this present day culture-- the obsessive tendencies of people suffocating in the so-called dramas of their lives---to see everything else. Sometimes it overwhelms me because i don't understand it yet---and truly, i hope i never will. I need to figure out how to still live in this culture and yet, not be lulled into indifference because of it.

I hope other people lift their eyes as well--because what overwhelms, what takes us to the edge---it makes you feel alive, its what opens your eyes to what you are.

And fuck anyone who wants to take that away.

shake it!!!

2008-01-09T00:09:00.002-05:00

Cool ideas spark other ideas...

and i just love to dance---i know i put tons of energy out there when i do---it would be cool if those vibes turned on one of those strobe lights or something--hee.

But seriously---ideas fire off other ideas---it always happens.

Hopefully this one will, too.

clipped from www.inhabitat.com

SUSTAINABLE DANCE CLUB

It’s probably safe to say that few of us have used the phrases “dance club” and “renewable energy” in the same sentence. Enter the Sustainable Dance Club, a downright awesome project that turns fancy footwork into kilowatts to power the club’s basic utilities. The brainchild of environmental organization Enviu and Dutch architectural firm Döll, the Sustainable Dance Club project launched with a party called The Critical Mass last October in Rotterdam. So next time you’re out dancing with friends, don’t forget that all that booty shaking could be providing power for the club’s lights, speakers, and more. Check out the video to see just how the technology works.

"A “global we” is the beginning of wisdom; but how ...?"

2008-01-05T01:08:00.002-05:00

A great article by David Hayes pointing out the importance of finding the common thread among us All----as Human Beings.

Words worth reading and contemplating.

clipped from www.opendemocracy.net

A world in contraflow

There is a stark disjunction between the scale of global problems in 2008 and the tools available to resolve them, says David Hayes.

The attempt to make sense of
a moment - to “think the present historically” as Walter
Benjamin put it - is even more necessary in a world whose
accumulating problems require fresh thinking and urgent, imaginative
solutions. We have already lost a lot of time to confront some of
them - global warming, Israel/Palestine, weapons proliferation, a
political strategy to address terrorism - and may have less time (on
these and others) than we think.

What is the world waiting
for? An easy answer is new leadership with a sense of global
responsibility - a deficit that is almost everywhere palpably clear:
the United States, the United Nations, Europe, the rising power of
China, the resource-rich ones of Russia and Iran.

it also belongs to the
world’s flawed institutions, redundant ideas, and disaggregated
social ethics.

Realizing reality is hard---another example

2008-01-01T15:50:00.001-05:00

A strong example of how this country operates...

All three videos are worth watching.

Hee... Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T13:33:00.002-05:00

clipped from xkcd.com

String Theory

I love this webcomic---probably because I am a big nerd---but you should check it out...giggling is good!

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year and point out that while we are all trying to explain and define everything---maybe it is just plain funny that at the end of developing theories that are only applicable in dimensions we cannot understand...

maybe IT really is all about not knowing. I don't know. and i'm totally ok with that.

If I really thought I knew everything, I think I would be a most miserable human being!! To me, the beauty of existing is stumbling around, feeling passionate about things---making HUGE embarrassing mistakes and blushing!! Learning those lessons, writing things down and learning more lessons to add other layers on to my previous ideas...

(((discovery is good)))

Follow your passions---that is all I can recommend. Most of our energy flows in those passions, and whatever happens---it will be worth it! Humiliating or Awesome...it is just part of creating and evolving our experience.

I will see you on the slide :)

remembering How

2007-12-30T14:56:00.001-05:00

The video i am embedding to this post is a French film by Jan Kounen:

"d'autre Mondes: Un voyage au coeur du Shamanisme Shipibo"

or translated---

"other Worlds: A journey to the heart of Shipibo Shamanism"

It is a wonderful documentary. It really does a beautiful job of explaining the possibilities of being a human. The Way to live does not have to be just one way. The Way to do anything is not limited to what we can see. The possibilities are abundant.

As a person studying Science, I would be extremely ignorant to discount thousands of years of hypotheses, testing and results conducted by other humans with natural resources and different perspectives and understanding.

We all have something to learn from not limiting ourselves and learning from others.

EDIT: The original video I had embedded in this post seems to have disappeared--which is unfortunate because it was an excellent documentary. The title is above in bold--if you ever have the opportunity to watch it, I highly recommend it! I did find this your tube video below...embedded here for your contemplation.

Do Something...Be a Human

2007-12-29T02:31:00.001-05:00

This film is something that should be watched. The things that really strike you as truth should be followed up by your own investigations.

You are important. Each of us, individually, are important in keeping this planet filled with diversity:

Diversity in thought
Diversity in feeling
Diversity in expression
Diversity in intelligence

It is why I write---it doesn't matter if most of you just pass by---but if just one person stops and reads what I have to say, and is affected in some way---whether it be positive or negative---at the very least It caused someone to think and feel.

Watch this:

This film also points out this fear and internal struggle I had with focusing my present studies in Science. I think I discussed this concern with a friend of mine.

I can see all the beautifullyefficient potential in Science and Technology. If it were a free existence without a powerful group of people in power, it would be a beautiful thing. Nanotechnology and Biotechnology could progress to benefit humanity in positive ways.

That is the Light.

But what about the Dark?

(((It is always the dance between opposites)))

What if all the research, ideas and potentialities are used for power and greed?? That is really what made me feel like I wanted to throw up...

A horrible exploitation of such an amazinglybeautiful field of knowledge is unacceptable.

open the blinds and let the light in

2007-12-25T00:49:00.002-05:00

clipped from iht.com

MIT spinoff's little green laptop computers a hit in remote Peruvian village

clipped from iht.com

These offspring of peasant families whose monthly earnings rarely exceed the cost of one of the US$188 (€130) laptops — people who can ill afford pencil and paper much less books — can't get enough of their "XO" laptops.

At breakfast, they're already powering up the combination library/videocam/audio recorder/music maker/drawing kits. At night, they're dozing off in front of them — if they've managed to keep older siblings from waylaying the coveted machines.

Founded in 2005 by former MIT Media Lab director Nicholas Negroponte, One Laptop has retreated from early boasts that developing-world governments would snap up millions of the pint-sized laptops at US$100 (€70) each.

But no competitor approaches the XO in innovation. It is hard drive-free, runs on the Linux operating system and stretches wireless networks with "mesh" technology that lets each computer in a village relay data to the others.

This image is just amazing to me. The table where these kids are sitting reminds me of my Uncle's dirtfloor kitchen in Guatemala. Imagine the discovery, exploration--and expansion possible in people all across the world.

Technology will help to translate our experiences so we can learn and grow. It is desirable to keep adding new threads in.

It really is.

biodiesel--improving the process

2007-12-25T00:40:00.002-05:00

clipped from www.chemistrytimes.com

Researchers Investigate Supercritical Method of Converting Chicken Fat and Tall Oil into Biodiesel (12/22/2007)

Chemical engineering researchers at the University of Arkansas have investigated supercritical methanol as a method of converting chicken fat into biodiesel fuel. The new study also successfully converted tall oil fatty acid, a major by-product of the wood-pulping process, into biodiesel at a yield of greater than 90 percent, significantly advancing efforts to develop commercially viable fuel out of plentiful, accessible and low-cost feedstocks and other agricultural by-products.

"With the current price of petroleum diesel and the results of this project and others, I think energy producers will think even more seriously about combining petroleum-based diesel with a biodiesel product made out of crude and inexpensive feedstocks."

Schulte treated chicken fat and tall oil with supercritical methanol and produced biodiesel yields in excess of 89 and 94 percent, respectively.

Research to investigate a more simple, lower cost practical way of finally making biodiesel fuels viable in real life economy.

(((Change the pattern on how to arrive to a point and achieve a different result. It is really cool when the result is a better one.)))

Progress is good.

Eyes can look upwards

2007-12-24T01:08:00.002-05:00

clipped from dsc.discovery.com

Christmas Moon
Mars will be unusually bright this Christmas Eve, and the moon will be shining 98 percent full.

clipped from dsc.discovery.com

Bright Moon, Mars Light Christmas Sky

Sometime between the last eggnog and Santa's arrival will be the best time in many years to head out into the chilly air and view the 98-percent-full moon shining down from a height it won't reach again for 16 years.

So essentially, we have a full Mars and a full moon this Christmas.

The height of the moon, it should be noted, refers not to its distance from Earth, but to the angle at which it rises in the sky. Because the moon's orbit takes it on a zigzag course above and below Earth's equator, the full moon can sometimes ride rather low in the midnight sky or soar almost directly overhead.

((Christmas, Winter Solstice---which
ever words that are used to describe the tilt of our planet towards the sun.))

It is a pleasure that I love to indulge. Admiring the night sky. Especially in the cold or snow, you feel smaller, connected to the Earth with each shivering of your body. Seeing breath hang in the air---parts of you escaping towards those mysteriouslyvibrating lights in the sky...

We are small, but we are here. We can drink in beauty, and transform the fact of our existence into something simply Us. Individually--we grow...and if we are all individually growing, that means that we all can take those steps forward.

Turn your face upwards to the vastness of the sky. The moon is real, the stars are real, the planets are real---and You--We are all real.

Isn't it a fascinating and tremendous thing??

disgusting...slave labor---in America

2007-12-20T10:08:00.002-05:00

clipped from news.independent.co.uk

Slave labour that shames America

Migrant workers chained beaten and forced into debt, exposing the human cost of producing cheap food

Published: 19 December 2007

Three Florida fruit-pickers, held captive and brutalised by their employer for more than a year, finally broke free of their bonds by punching their way through the ventilator hatch of the van in which they were imprisoned. Once outside, they dashed for freedom.

When they found sanctuary one recent Sunday morning, all bore the marks of heavy beatings to the head and body. One of the pickers had a nasty, untreated knife wound on his arm. Police would learn later that another man had his hands chained behind his back every night to prevent him escaping, leaving his wrists swollen.

The migrants were not only forced to work in sub-human conditions but mistreated and forced into debt. They were locked up at night and had to pay for sub-standard food. If they took a shower with a garden hose or bucket, it cost them $5.

Man...where do i start?? I've never understood racism---it really is something that is taught. And slavery is a direct result of those ideas---because only a person who believes they are better than another could ever convince themselves to treat another person in the way described in the above article.

I started this blog by posting two videos. Those videos are lush with all kinds of meaning---the limitless possibilities around us, a sense of humility, and of course the beauty of life and existence. But the most important message that they say to me is that we are all in this together!! One. It is a little ridiculous for any of us humans to believe we are superior to another human. Because, if you really understand our existence in the scheme of things, we are but a soft breeze in time. All of us with our thinking-tortured-ridiculous souls.

I've seen how racism is taught---it is something i personally have to battle because of my daughter. It scares me...the things that she learns from her Father and from her suburban school. I want to pull her away from those things. But i know that unfortunately, her father is her father forever...and that although he may never change, i can do my best to teach her a bigger message than what he is doing.

It is shameful for people to act this way. Especially now, in current times, when our technology and discoveries can take us to a new level of existing in harmony on this tiny planet we live on.

Teach compassion to those around you. We are all just stumbling around on our paths creating our threads. Everyone has a right to do the same. Everyone.

See?! See?! Action leads to results.

2007-12-19T08:44:00.001-05:00

As a thinking, feeling human being, you have a responsibility to actively participate in Life. It's time to turn off the TV, look at people in the eye when they speak to you and actively pursue learning and knowledge.

get off the couch and go outside---Take a deep breath.
YOU are ALIVE.
and to keep the Alive part a good thing, we all need to actively participate in this community we are a part of called Humanity.

Yes, develop and grow your own thread and flavor---but then toss it into the pile with the rest of ours.

How will we ever understand how fabulous you are if you never say anything??!!

This article makes me happy. But we still need to continue---keep it up, people!! Hopefully we can take this to higher levels...the NSA and the Government with all their "monitoring" are creepy, too.

clipped from www.boingboing.net

Telecom Immunity bill dying, thanks to you -- KEEP IT UP!

Hurrah! The Telecom Immunity Bill -- which will let the phone companies off the hook for helping the NSA to illegally spy on Americans -- is dying in Congress, thanks to your calls and letters.

If we stop telecom immunity, we'll probably get to call the NSA and the government to account, too. If the telecoms get immunized, the government could get a walk as well.
Link

it's like baking a cake--with awesome nanostructures

2007-12-18T11:40:00.002-05:00

clipped from www.nanovip.com

Nanotechnology throws open a global opportunity of $1 trillion by 2015

Prof. Richard A. L. Jones, Professor EPSRC, Professional Fellow & Senior strategic Advisor of Nanotechnology, Dept. of Physics & Astronomy, University of Sheffield said, “Nanoscience through engineering to application is one of 5 priority research themes for the UK in 2007. Key applications are expected in the area of Sustainable energy, Medicine & Healthcare and Information & Communication Technology [ICT]. Nanotechnology can help solve pressing social and economic problems but it needs partnerships between different academic disciplines, between academia and industry and between nations.” He also said the grand challenge for 2008 is harvesting solar energy cheaply on a large scale using Nanotechnology.

I've never been one who liked team work. I have always been that weird girl that was quiet and bossed everyone around when she did finally speak-- because other people wasted too much time talking and not thinking. And then when people would oppose my views, i would be completely uncomfortable, blush and stay quiet again contemplating it all---until i came up with my next solution. I was really good at the blushing part.

As i grew older, i realized that all of those processes that took place inside of my mind---that other people actually accomplished those processes of thinking and problem solving out loud!! That all those talking people were actually thinking and evolving their ideas and bouncing them off each other--evolving, growing!! How strange!! But how totally awesome.

The "group think" concept sucks---develop your own thinking, then speak loud! I've grown a lot, i don't blush as often, i speak up more---but a lot of my thinking still takes place inside---but now instead of being bossy and thinking my ideas are fabulous, i share them to learn and develop more ---To grow.

So anyway---things are evolving all around us! Look around!! I feel like i am in a constant state of change and discovery. I feel like most of the people i know are feeling that, too.

I've recently started to go back to school. When i was researching the major i wanted to take, the first one i typed into Google was "Nanotechnology". Unfortunately, i couldn't find a single program for it. And do you know why?? Because it is the study of structures and designs that can be used across a vast number of disciplines and industries. It's looking at how atoms come together to form molecules.

Look at your hand---isn't it strange that its made up of tiny atoms bonded together into carbon structures to form superstrong and efficient organs??? Wouldn't it be awesome if we could use those principles to make technology more efficient, natural and less draining on resources???---hence, Nanotechnology.

So in order to really study Nanotechnology, i would first have to study: applied physics, materials science, interface and colloid science, device physics, supramolecular chemistry (which refers to the area of chemistry that focuses on the noncovalent bonding interactions of molecules), chemical engineering, mechanical engineering, and electrical engineering.

Damn.

So since i dont think i could live long enough to accomplish all that learnin' ((well, not with the current technology)) and my pockets are not quite deep enough to even think about it, Nanotechnology is the perfect example of where "group thinking" is essential.

People with expertise and experience in all of those areas can evolve their thinking to consider the nano-scale possibilties---and innovate to make all those creations possible. Man...i really wish i had been an engineer or something.

And this is where all of us simple folk come in and say "We WANT this kind of progress!! We support innovation and more efficient technologies!!"

I am majoring in Biotechnology. It is very fascinating, interesting and challenging. And the more i look at life through a microscope, the more i am fascinated by the patterns and structures that have naturally evolved through life. It is called survival. If your body design and functions are not efficient and successful---guess what happens??---your species dies out. You can see it all throughout biological history---and life evolves certain structures to succeed. To make it---to reproduce. It is why we are all here with our evolved brains...trying to figure out how to fix the collective problems of humanity.

There are so many natural structures that are beautiful and efficient. They are so much more efficient than the way that car is put together out in your driveway.

Its time to throw tons of energy and support into this--this is where we should go.

Simple, beautiful---it already has million of years of proven success!! we just need to figure out how to translate it to help us today. Scientists are trying to do that now---

Support it.

Oil is useful. lipstick, lotion, petroleum jelly... I use them.

2007-12-17T12:13:00.001-05:00

Ok... i knew i could never be a hippy. I like lipstick and deodorant. I mean...i really like lipstick. I like scented oils and convenience. And rather than throw them all into recycling bins and pledge myself to a complete existence of living directly from my environment ((which is truly difficult when your environment is buried beneath a foot of snow)), I think that it is hard to imagine that technology and science haven't figured out a way for us to live more intelligently and keep some of our weird ritualistic daily habits as well.

i'm being quite simple here---but i want you to understand that most of the products we use on a daily basis are derived-at least, in part - from oil.

And technology, thinking and science HAVE discovered multiple ways of reducing damage to our environment, revitalizing the economy and living in an intelligently sustainable way...

but guess what blocks it from happening?? Greed, power...money....greedgreedgreed.

This video is excellent. Watch it and see the possibilities.

and download your copy of the book here:

http://oilendgame.com/ReadTheBook.html

Fear...Coercion

2007-12-16T18:58:00.003-05:00

clipped from www.usatoday.com

6 states defy law requiring ID cards

WASHINGTON — Six state legislatures are defying a federal law requiring new driver's licenses that aim to prevent identity theft, fraud and terrorism.

The states have passed laws in the past two months, saying the federal law has a steep cost and invades privacy by requiring 240 million Americans to get highly secure licenses by 2013. The 9/11 Commission urged the first standards for licenses to stop fraud and terrorists such as the Sept. 11 hijackers, who lied on residency statements to get licenses and state IDs.

State resistance has drawn criticism from the Homeland Security Department. "I cannot imagine a state official anywhere that would want to have to testify before Congress about … how their non-compliant licenses contributed to a terrorist attack," department spokesman Russ Knocke said.

"You can't have a national ID card if the residents of six states won't have one," Steinhardt said

The definition of Coercion (from wikipedia): "the unlawful act of compelling a person to do, or to abstain from doing, something by depriving him of the exercise of his free will, particularly by use or threat of physical or moral force."

Invasion of privacy is not acceptable.

If you lose the access to the sanctuary of yourSelf, how can anything extraordinary grow and blossom from that?? How will you believe in your power to touch whichever possibility you desire??

Tell your state representatives to reflect what is important to you.

Exploration, Discovery---Solutions

2007-12-15T23:10:00.002-05:00

The most important thing to enable us to move forward. Why would we all want to live in the dark?

clipped from www.sciencedebate2008.com

Sciencedebate 2008

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We have noticed that science and technology lie at the center of a very large number of the policy issues facing our nation and the world - issues that profoundly affect our national and economic security as science and technology continue to transform our lives. No matter one's political stripe, these issues pose important pragmatic policy challenges.

America can be a leader in finding cures for our worst diseases, inventing the best alternative energy sources, and graduating the most scientifically literate children in the world

We believe a debate on these issues would be the ideal opportunity for America and the candidates to explore our national priorities on the issues, and it is hard to imagine any candidate not wishing to be involved in such an occasion.