During my drive to school today, I stopped the automatic scanning of radio stations and paused to the sound of laughter, which actually turned out to be people discussing Porn. The two guys and one girl who were running the morning show were taking calls from the public concerning the changes in sexual EXPECTATIONS that men now have of women. The argument was that greater availability of Pornography was affecting what Men expect of Women in bed. Oh, how disconnected we all are becoming...i mean, if Porn is the ultimate sexual experience for you, you clearly have no imagination or creativity.
This also reminded me of the argument of Open and/or Polyamorous Relationships as a better choice for intimacy rather than the "ownership" of Monogamy. There is an actual EXPECTATION that women will be willing to participate in these Open/Polyamorous Relationships...
If having only one mate equals ownership to you, it is only because you had the unfortunate vision to choose an unworthy partner AND/OR you have not spent enough time developing your Self.Humans are living longer...so perhaps lifetime monogamy is impossible, but monogamous relationships are worth the FOCUS.
Polyamory is based on the theory of "Abundance" ---as in, there is an abundance of women out there, so why only be intimate with one?! Everlasting Abundance is a lie. Look at the Earth. Natural resources are dwindling because economic growth forever is unsustainable. The reality is that everything is a cycle---of give and lose.
Those parts within us of beauty and creativity cannot be fueled by rejecting our emotional vulnerability. Those who practice Polyamory see everything as a power play which ultimately keeps the man on a Pedestal and women placated with "awesome orgasms". Uhhhh...yeah...nice long term vision, oh polyamorous men. "Don't lose your masculinity or your ability to make your women beg." It is unfortunate that the men behind this movement have not realized that what these ideas will ultimately do is create more sub par women.
Life is about learning...it is about challenge and sharing. It is far more difficult (and wonderful!) to focus on one person. To learn from him and about yourself because of him. To challenge yourself apart so that you develop each moment together fully. To share who you are...evolving, learning, challenged...YOU.
Monogamy isn't about ownership for me. Perhaps historically in society, that argument can be made-- but my personal experience is that it is a requirement for what I need to always be improving, learning and developing who I am. For me, it is either Monogamy or Solitude. In my current relationship (and past ones), he is free. If he chooses another woman to focus on, he is free to do so, BUT OUR relationship would be over. I refuse to waste my focus on a person who can not equally focus on me.
I am 31 years old. I know who I am and what I want.
I don't need to seek validation from anyone else on this Earth. I don't need a man to make me feel beautiful, important and worthy. Seeking those things is just a downward slide towards endless misery. I spent a LONG time by myself figuring these things out. It took me a LONG time to decide to leave my solitude and attempt to share myself at the risk of getting sucked into what society tells us a drama filled relationship should be.
I realized that he and I could relate without definitions because we both understand these basic things. When we forget them, we know we need to go back to them.
Monogamy is comparable to training a martial art: You train certain movements (focus on your guy/girl)...you leave them alone for a while to develop other areas of your art (individual interests)...then you come back to those movements with more depth and understanding...Until you become skilled yet vulnerable. Or perhaps the appropriate word is Open. You become Open, yet possess the skill, timing and ability to defend this wonderfullyLayered Open Vulnerability. The training never ends...and it only becomes more interesting!!
How focused are you? Or has disconnection winked its shiny eye at you, too??
